ughh...

I am sorry that I am slacking on the blog front. Just to keep everyone updated, I am still working out, still counting calories, still bored. I have started to change up my swimming workouts. I am hoping that one of Santa's elves ( read: bitch slaves ) will bring me the swimming stopwatch I want. That would push me more I think. I have gotten to the point, however, where going to the gym is just what I do. It is becoming part of my routine. I like that. Its the first time in a long time where honest to god working out is a part of my vocabulary. I am sorry for the slacking. I will try to be more vigilant in writing these.

Happy Holidays!!!

I think I found why I gained weight over Thanksgiving. This is my favorite role models Hunter and Jessica. Their recipe for stuffing is amazeballs! Watch below!



So I am still on the wagon. I am just having trouble finding things to blog about besides just working out. I have found a neat side effect of monitoring my food intake. As I said before, I am not dieting at all. At least not in a traditional sense. I keep a food log and exercise log. Yes... there is an app for that! I use My Fitness Pal. It monitors everything. I put in all my exercises and weight and food and... ehem... drink, and tells me everything that I have consumed down to the vitamins and minerals. What I have noticed from doing this is that I never go hungry, I just find stuff that fits my needs. For instance, I love bread. Like, for real. But by switching to whole wheat, I can eat more of it. It is more important for me not to be hungry than to eat white bread. Its a different way of looking at this whole process. I also never realized how much sodium is in Diet Coke. YIKES! I am cutting down on that asap.

So being that it is now officially Christmas Season, I will leave you with my favorite, gayest Christmas youtube video. I mean, don we now our gay apparel!!! I present to you: THE TWELVE GAYS OF CHRISTMAS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was expected! Plus musings from my week off.

Well 2 steps forward... and 2 pieces of pie...

So I actually only had one piece but still. I did however consume more than a fair amount of alcohol on numerous evenings in a row. Nothing says Happy Holidays like avoiding family time and COCKTAILS! I didn't work out on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday! Yikes! But I only gained 1.5 pounds back. I thought it would be a lot worse. I am thankful that it was an amount that I can manage. Thats about it for the update so I will leave you with an anecdote from my time swimming on Monday before Binge Fest 2010.

So... I am swimming and swimming endless laps for what seems to be eternal damnation. Counting my laps like a record that is skipping. Remember what those are? I digress. So I am on lap god-knows-what and I see an object to my left. A spectre if you will. You see there are skylights that shine down into the pool. Brilliant beams of light poor into them around noontime. So I glance over to see what can only be the grim reaper coming to take me to the hereafter! Death herself has finally arrived to take my wretched vodka-soaked soul to whatever hell is worse than swimming 9 million laps. IT SCARED THE BAJEESES OUT OF ME! For those who don't know, a bajeese (noun;singular) is a small creature that lives in huge numbers inside of highly jumpy people. They will flee their inhabitants body en mass if the person is frightened. They are invisible. I am unsure of their ability to swim.

In case you think of me as over reacting. Here is a picture of what I saw. Terrifying!

becareful what you wish for

So... A few posts back I was talking about how crowded it was. ( The PiPi post ) Well today was like swimming in the Mojave Desert in Wario's world. You know. Mario's opposite in the Mario 64...



The resemblance is uncanny.
SO... with that convoluded joke I am trying to make the point that there was not a soul in the joint. I would go on to say it was desolate. When I walked in, I thought I was in heaven. Just me, my jerry rigged shorts, and the life guard. A wonderfully exuberant and attentive fellow who really loves his job. I thought that the smooth glass top of the water would be a fresh sheet for me to begin my journey.

I started swimming and its was the cocoon-like comfort that I am used to. I love that aspect of swimming. When you are below the water, it is just you and your thoughts. No music, no talking. Just the fluid barrier cushioning the whirs and gurgles of the water. But I found something missing. Well, besides the actual people.

It was their energy. Having people around you pushing themselves to their limits feeds your own ambitions. Its competition in its purest form. There is an unspoken transfer of good hope towards each other. The energy can be felt and, in turn, used to fuel your workout. I think it is an often overlooked aspect of competition in today's society. Competition makes us all strive to be our best. That is the entire point. If we lose focus of that, then we become complacent in our habitual mediocrity. Winning isn't everything but it sure is something that can shine the light on your path to being your best. A true win is when your are the very best that you are. It is a constant state of growth and development. A trophy is just a dot on your path. Winning is a constant state of being.

Does that even make sense?

Temptaion Station

So... I had to walk to the gym close to my house because my usual ride, aka my parents, are down in the OBX. So I figured I would walk there for cardio and lift weights there to keep active till tomorrow. These are the things I passed on my walk. In order:

1. Not one but two dogs in their yard without a leash. No fence. Nothing. They were cute as buttons until they tried to eat my BUTTons.

2. A car full of douches laughing at me.

3. A Bruster's Ice Cream

4. A pizza joint.

5. A Chinese food joint.

6. A Culinary School for Kids.

7. A Sub joint.

8. A Sushi point.

Then I get to the YMCA. Well... the sign at least. I couldn't seem to find the entrance. All I could find was the entrance to the local grocery store ( Yet another purveyor of food stuffs on my march through the 9th circle of diet hell ). I walked around to the back of the building but it was just a collection of garbage bins. I could not for the life of me find this place. Where is this damned entrance?

Oh there it is! INSIDE THE FUCKING GROCERY STORE!!!!!!!!! Are you seriously serious?!?!?!?!?!? Who does that? Its in a grocery store. Like, for real. I took the elevator up to the second floor. I was shocked. I mean what else could be more awkward? OH! I know.... PUTTING FLOOR TO CEILING WINDOWS LOOKING OUT ON TO THE ENTIRE COLLECTION OF DELICIOUS VERBOTEN TREATS! You can't make this stuff up. Oh and here is the kicker... They don't carry Muscle Milk. BITCH! That should be in a huge Vegas style lit up display of epic proportions right by the entrance which also happens to be an entrance to the most AWKWARDLY PLACED GYM EVER!!!!!

Oy... Im going to bed!

Nice long weekend!

I had a great time with my pi lambda phi brothers this weekend. I most likely consumed a lot of empty calories which I do not regret for one second. I don't have much to say for this post. I did go to the gym today so I guess I could give a holler about that.

So today was a weight lifting day so I only swam for 35 minutes. I did a half mile and called it quits. I have to say that I am seeing a lot of strength development. Which is really awesome. I know that I will hit a plateau soon enough so I need to start mentally preparing for that. I don't want to discourage myself for no reason. Plateauing is a part of the process. You just have to be patient.

Well thats all I got for today. I know it is a lame post but I feel if I let myself slack on posting I will fall out of the habit!

RED ALERT!!! RED ALERT!!!!

I almost had a full blown defcon 5 melt down at the gym today! I weighed myself when I got there and I had only lost 1 pound in a whole week. I was so demoralized! I count everything that I eat and drink. I chart all of my activity. I count calories and what not. This was not the jump start I wanted. Talk about sucking the wind out of your sails!

I begrudgingly shuffled to the weight room looking like a Zoloft commercial. Scuffling my feet like a child who just had their Halloween candy taken away. If there were rocks on the ground, I would have been kicking them. I was having enough trouble gathering the wherewithal to make it to the gym as it was. And now THIS?

So I went and lifted weights. There was a glimmer of hope today. I am seeing a lot of strength gains, which is awesome. I it feels nice to move up to a higher weight in that aspect! So I really pushed through and maxed out to what hot jocks call "total muscle failure". Couldn't they come up with a more pleasant term than that? I mean really... "total failure" is something you usually try to avoid, unless you are a politician.

So it was off to the pool for some sprints and a leg workout. I am trying to change up my routine so I do sprints and weights 3 days and swim a mile on the other 2. Anyway, so I was talking to a lifeguard who noticed I looked, let's just say... despondent. I told him about the scale fiasco and he asked me if I had zeroed the scale. I HADN'T. I mean... the thing looks so expensive it could clone humans. I didn't think it was an issue. The lifeguard said, "Like... TOTALLY!" ( He is a lifeguard ). So I went in after my workout and tared the scale and low and behold I had lost 6.5 pounds! And yes I drink water the whole time so it is not water weight Negative Nancy!

Good workout... Good music!

So I had a good workout. I am trying to find ways to change up the monotony of swimming. I mean... 64 laps is a lot of back and forth. Its like an old episode of Gilmore Girls. I am trying to find ways of breaking it up, without taking breaks. Today I swam 1/8th of a mile with a kickboard. I swim breaststroke usually and I don't feel like it isn't enough of a leg workout. I think it helped a lot. I swam 1/4 mile with these paddle things. I know that is the technical term. Anywho... if you think of any ideas... I am game!

So I found this on youtube and thought it was cool. Its called Wishery. It takes the childrens classic "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" and remixes it into a down tempo hip-hop jimmy jam! Its a lot of fun! I found this on Towleroad.com.

They call me Miles Davis!

I swam a mile non-stop bitches! Hell yes! You can call Miles Davis from now on! If you
don't know who Miles Davis is, shame on you. Here is one of his pieces:



I picked this song because:

I played it in High School.
Its in the movie The Cable Guy.
It sounds like they are shouting Small Penis!

I am so stoked about my swim today. Although I might have over done it by lifting before hand. I guess we will find out tomorrow.

To my Republican readers, congrats on your big win this past Tuesday. I wish I could say I am happy for you too but that would be a completely false statement. I guess that's all for now!

hhhhheeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyy..........

So just to let you know, saturday is when all the hotties go to the gym!It was a virtual smorgasbord. I would like to thank all of you fine young gentlemen for coming to the gym and entertaining me during my workout! It was much appreciated!

In other news, the job market created a shit ton of new jobs. YAY! However, the unemployment rate is still at 9.6%. BOO! Guess which statistic I am in. Go ahead, I will wait...

I am starting to run out of jobs to apply for. I am also running out of money. But I am not running out of hope!

I just threw up a little.



Or a lot...


I think my hope is in my pile of sick.


TOODLES!

MILEstone ( see what I did there? )

Well yesterday was a great day at the gym. I swam a whole fucking mile! WOOHOO! I even swam the second half non-stop. It was awesome! I couldnt even believe it! It may not sound like a lot to you, but a mile is a long way to swim. Trust me.

So after I gained the 2.5 pounds eating In-N-Out burger and del Taco out in California, I weighed myself again yesterday and my weight had gone up again. A word to the wise, only weigh yourself (at most) once a week. I will not be making that mistake again.

So today is cardio and weight training. I hate asking my jock friends how to lift weights. It becomes a celebration of their manliness. I get it. You are a gift to this earth. Whatever. If I wanted to celebrate your manliness, I would do it in the comfort of my bedroom, or in a mid-size SUV. ( I will be available for other vehicular options further down the road as I lose weight!) Im not trying to be He-man, I just want to get rid of my bitch tits...

Ta-Ta for now! ( see what I did there? )

OY!

Well, how do I say this without being sad? I gained 2.5 pounds while on vacation at the wedding. Ugh... I am so disappointed. My goal was to just maintain my weight. However, the pool at my hotel left a wee bit to be desired. It was pretty disgusting. And it was outdoor and too cold to swim. I am so frustrated. Oh well onward and upward. I went to the gym today and it was back to the grindstone. I guess this is where it gets tougher. I need to keep reminding myself that I am on the right path. I guess its like I am still on the journey, I just stopped to tie my shoe. Its a matter of perseverance. I would be lying if I said it didn't take the wind out of my sails a bit.

On a positive note. I swam my half mile in record time today so that is progress. I wish I could see results but I guess I will just have to be patient. It took my a long time to get this fat so it is gonna take just as long to lose it. I can not give up! I won't give up. I have been giving up for way too long and I need to be the best I can be.

So, I am back on track and its full steam ahead!

The song I posted below is " I Like That " by Richard Vission. It was our soundtrack in LA. I am talking full rotation! Its the ish, enjoy!

I Like That - Richard Vission & Static (full version)

Welp... time to hit the ol' dusty trail!

So I did get my workout in and I was really happy with it. My 50m breaststroke is under a minute. I also swam 7x100 with 1 minute in between each! I was in the zone. I wasn;t sure if I would be able to get a full half mile in but I did! Now, the real test will be if I can get myself moving in the morning to get one more swim in before I leave in the afternoon. I don't know if I will write when I am out in LA but I will try my best to! nighters

98% urine

So, I was a touch behind schedule for gym time yesterday and was forced to be in the pool with roughly 2 billion kids, give or take a few. The entire time I kept thinking of the South Park episode of when they went to Pi Pi's waterpark. I does not help that it is the heated pool. Grossy gross!

Pee
Tags: SOUTH
PARKmore...

Well yesterday was weigh in day and I am down another 5 pounds! Yay me! I am planning for a trip to LA which begins on Wed. Luckily there is a pool at the hotel. I can't wait to see the faces on those starved bitches as I enter the pool! hahahaha If I can make it through the week without gaining weight I will be thrilled. Its gonna be hard though because my friend Ed will murder me if I don't have an In-N-Out burger. SO that's like a days worth of calories right there. Well, I guess I should get to the gym so I can stock pile me calories. Yes I know I said me instead of my, but it sounded like a Dickensian orphan, so I am keeping it. Talk to you later, whoever you are.

Ah! So refreshed!

So I took saturday and sunday off from the gym. It feels like forever! I think that is a good thing! I am gonna stop with the exclmation points now. No one person is that excited about anything. I feel as if I am just now figuring out what I have been missing. I feel like I am at the entrance to something great and I like that feeling. Even though I am in a rough place, I can see that I am at least swimming towards the surface. It might not be visible yet, but I know that I am on the right path.

So I am putting together a bucket list. Things that I want to do when I lose all my weight. You would be surprised at how much you miss out on. But I am trying to figure out what to call it. I mean, a bucket list is things to do before you die, and this journey is about getting my life back. So I was thinking Fat + Bucket list = Fucket List. Thoughts?

Well I guess thats it for now. Till my next post here is an awesomely hilarious video. Yes she is a real person. Yes this is a real show. If you went to GMU with me then you know all about the JACKRABBIT!!!! Enjoy!

And.... I DID feel it in the morning!

I dragged myself out of bed, went to the gym for a "workout". I put workout in quotes because it was barely a workout. I would say it was just work, but that means something positive in the gay community. So lets just call it a wo. As in my body saying, "WHOA, BITCH! SLOW YOUR DAMN ROLL!" A wise man once told me that it all goes down hill at day five. Some of you will get that more than others. In any event, I am taking the weekend off. Hopefully, I will be rejuvinated by Monday.

In other wompwomp news... I can't go to my fraternity brothers wedding this weekend which sucks. Oh well... such is life. I have a wedding in LA next week though. WOOT!

So my funny of the day is something I posted all over my facebook page. But, in case it got lost in the shuffle here it is.



How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son

GIIIIRRRRRLLLLL ... I am gonna feel that in the morning!

I really tried to max it out today. I did a brief arms and chest exercise. Which was fine. I then went on to swim a little more than half a mile. The last 100 meters was like torture! hooey! It was good though. I just know that my arms are gonna be PIIIISSSSEEEDDDD on Saturday. Well before I go into an ambien coma, I wanted to share this article with you guys. Its about the benifits of swimming.

Here it is.

Nighters

KDog

While you were sleeping?

The first thing a doctor says when you have insomnia is, "Exercise daily! Drink less caffeine!". I am doing both of those things. I cant sleep for shit! I was up till 3am. I was up several times during the night. However, I am trying to find the positives in everything so I guess it gave me time to find some interesting articles.

This one is from Daily K Os (get it?) about Jaun Williams who was fired from NPR for remarks he made about his fear of people wearing Muslim clothing on his airplane. What's racist about that? gross. Of course Palin, Mike Huckabee, and other chodes want NPR's funding stripped.

This one is from Towleroad.com which is my go to blog everyday. This is a brilliant article explaining the conundrum that President Obama is in with regards to DADT repeal. It explained a lot, although I still feel like he is skirting gay issues.

I know that my blog theme is all over the place but I am new at this so suck it! Well, off to the gym!

I am always the last to know!

So I was the last person to know I was gay ( late bloomer ) and I must be the last person to start watching The Event. Where have I been? This shiz is intense!

Aint that some shit...

So I was hating every second of every thought about going, but it was totally worth it. I swam 32 laps in 45 minutes. Thats 1/2 a mile! In swimming thats quite a distance. My goal is to get to 1 mile in 1 hour. Thats way far away. But progress is progress. BTW, did you wear purple today?

exasperation sounds, exasperation sounds

You know that sound that you make when you have something in the back of your throat and you are trying to hock it up. Its like a guttural, raspy sound. I am having trouble figuring out how to spell it. I know a scream is "AAAAHHHHH!". Confounded sounds like, "uuuhhhmm". But for all the onomatopoeic tea in China I can't figure out the spelling. My friends and I call it the "CB" for our friend Cindy B. who does it very well and very often. It's one of my favorite things about her. It's always well timed and flawlessly performed. We even turned it into a verb. Per example, "Did you just CB me?" Its understood.

The reason I bring this up? I am totally feeling that exasperated sound right now. It is all rainy and grossy gross outside because it is raining. ( exasperated sound ) I don't wanna go to the gym, hmph. SEE! I can spell that! Oh well. No one said it was gonna be easy but I have to go to the gym. Onward and upward! barf. In a related story, I hope homeboy finally put a towel on it. (see previous post ). By peeps!

yikes! ( or: If you like it then you shoulda put a towel on it!)

So I had a great workout. Swam a lot. Lifted some. blah blah blah. The interesting part of this is the fact that guys are so weird. There was this dude with a huge wang! Like distractingly so. I mean, I don't go on the hunt. I keep to myself in the locker room. But of course, its not that simple. He is so proud of it. Just chatty mcchatterson the chattiest dude in chat town, walking around being the social butterfly with ne'er piece of clothing. Not a stitch. Not even a fucking band-aid. Seriously homes, put a towel on.

In a related story, Tyra is doing a show on gay exorcisms. Patricia Mckinney is a prophet (self-proclaimed of course) who casts out the fabulousness. Expels fierceness. The best part is, she sounds like Mo'nique. Oh, the irony!

well hello there

Now that I actually have a follower, one to be exact, I guess I should entertain you while you wait for my next installment of my weight/job quagmire. That being the case, enjoy one of my favorite sites. www.regretsy.com . If you don't know what etsy.com is, go here first!

success

So I did end up weighing myself and I have lost 4 pounds in a week! yay for me! I have been tracking my calories and workouts with my ipod touch. It was nice to but in my new weight and see the chart go down. Altough I had to chuckle because after swimming for an hour, my first thing i did was smoke a cigarette. Lame. I will get around to it but I am smoking a lot less.

I need to find the right time to go to the gym because today I was there during the swim team practice. Holy Cacophony! It was so loud up in that bitch. It gets a bit distracting. But i pressed on and got through the workout. I need to start to have more of a structure of the workout. its time to fist this routine in the whatwhat and get this bitch rolling.

I think I am going to go back on the kidney shrinking diet. it worked really well last time. Staytuned and find out what other muscles are in pain tomorrow.
I have to go apply for jobs that hate me. Fun times! Is anyone else bored and fat and jobless. Speak to me. I might start postingstories I find interesting. Anything to keep you positive or make you laugh diet coke out of you mouth.

Good Lord Time Flies

It has been forever since I posted. I need to be more diligent about this. I need to keep myself accountable. The good news is that I have continued to work out. The Swimming continues to be a strong motivator. I have started doing weight training too. From what they say, muscle burns more fat so lets bring on the muscles! My time at the gym is now up to 1 1/2 hours. I even bought a pair of goggles which I promptly left behind on the first day and are now gone. Claassssssic Peg! (SNL reference). Anywho. So I have been trying to stay focused on the task at hand. I havent weighed my self in a while and I am kinda scared. I don't want it to be demotivating. We will see.

On the job front, I actually got an e-mail from a graphic design firm that liked my work which was exciting. They however, were not impressed with my lack of html and css knowledge. I did get CS3 design suite so I am futzing around with Dreamweaver and trying to learn more. I really like the whole graphic design arena and I feel that it is a good transition from my current job as a visual designer for marching bands. Other than that, there wasn't much going on in the job hunt world. Not a lot of jobs that I was interested in actually. I still have some money saved up so I am not broke just yet. Although, with two more weddings coming up, that will probably be zapped like whoa! Hire me!

Loooonnnggg weekend

So... I didnt write since thursday. Im a bad blogger. Whatevs. So I exercised again on friday which I was really happy with. I am continuing on my journey which I guess is all you can do when you are down and out. I was gone for the weekend and drank way to much. Not that I was wasted per se, but it is still empty calories. Thats a problem for me. But I went right back into the swing of things today and swam a lot more agressively and even did some sprints! I am starting to notice the endorphines hitting me at a certain point. I am actually a bit sore today which I like because I know that means I am pushing myself. I am looking forward to going tomorrow.

I applied to a few jobs today, I am sure I wont hear back though. That would be far to kind and appropriate. Thats all for know though.

No pain, know rain

So it is monsooning outside which is fine. We needed the drink in my parts. I was planning on posting yesterday, but I had a small mishap with Amtrak. I was sitting at the station waiting for my train. When it pulled in, I realized I was on the wrong side of the track! Now, I know that I have been working out but the rediculous distance to reach the crossover bridge was formidable at the very least. I heard a ring of shreiking violins in my mind as my eyes zoomed in on the four story tower of terror! I start jogging down the platform trying to get to the other side. My crocs were slamming into the concrete with such a loud clip clop clip clop, you would think I was wearing wooden clogs from Holland. So I make it about 30 yards, roughly 12 minutes or so, and the damn train was already on its way. I called the famously helpful agents at Amtrak who had this response, "Well it looks like that's the last train for the night, shall I call you a cab." A CAB! Oh sure that would be fantastic. It should only cost 300 dollars to get half way home and from there I will just hop on a Luck Dragon with Sebastian from the Never-ending Story. No sweat.

So I had to call my own mother to pick me up 2 hours away. So here is when I get really pissed. As I am sitting on this platform for TWO HOURS, not 1, not 2, SEVEN TRAINS COME BARRELING THROUGH THE DAMN STATION! Could we please just call ONE of those trains and ask them to PICK A BITCH UP! ugh. On a better note...

I woke up and went swimming for an hour today! It was so much easier today. I stopped less and swam way more laps. I hope that I keep this up. I really like the exercise. Onward and upward.

On the job front:

I am so sick and tired of pyramid schemes trying to pass themselves off as actual businesses. It is so irritating. They tricky bitches too! They send you emails and call you acting like you applied for a job with them. Like I can remember all the flipping companies I have applied for. And they always have a name that sounds like the front for a weapons manufacturer bent on world domination. Like Global Business Strategies. I am surprised there isn't a lighting crash after you say its name.

Oh well. Love, peace, and Gary Senise

NOM NOM NOM

So The HRC and the Courage Campaign have a website calling out all the twisted fisting skeletons out of the National Organization for Marriage bigoted leaders. Hotness! This guys blog rocks beeteedubs!


http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2010/09/launched-hrc-courage-campaign.html

post workout post

So I am still alive. I managed to swim 20 laps. Which is not a lot. But it is more than I did yesterday. I hope it is less than I do tomorrow. Some observations: Chlorine is so strong smelling. I forgot how permeating it is. I smell like a clorox wipe. hot. Old men walk a thin line of friendly and straight up creepy. fact. I took to the water like a creature that takes too water easily. I am confident that I am taking the right path to a healthier me. And by healthy, I mean hot. And by hot I mean doable. Just sayin'

So now here comes the hard part. Doing it again. I need to hold myself accountable for this. No one else can do it for me.

As for the other half of my blog, the dreaded job search.

I applied for 8 jobs yesterday. Luckily I didnt have to take any assessments.(You know the ones. How likely are you to respond positively to an attack by space unicorns? Not very likely...).


Highlight of lowness: AT&T said I wasn't qualified to sell shitty cell phone service. I guess that requires a Master's in Deceit and Shenanigans. I only have my Bachelor's in Deceit and Shenanigans.

here we go!

Long time no blog. So I am joining a gym today and I am starting to work out more. I had a lapband put in years ago and I guess you really do have to work out. There are no shortcuts in life. Ugh. Oh well. I have decided to try swimming because that was what I loved as a kid and what caused me to gain weight when I quit. I know no one is reading this so its mainly for me. I am tired of being alone in this world. I love my friends dearly, but frankly, I dont want to sleep with them. I know that its what on the inside that counts, but being a gay man, I know how shallow we are. Plus, there is no reason not to work on my fitness. I am unemployed and have all the time in the world. I am turning Job-loss into Weight-loss. And that is the new theme of my blog. So here we go. Day 1... stay tuned.