Eat Me.

So I have decided to have a mental reboot of sorts. I feel like I have gotten distracted from my nutrition goals. I just bought a book called Eat To Live by Joel Fuhrman, M.D. I am working my way through the first chapter. I seem to agree with a lot of the things he is saying. I have been eating as much whole natural foods as I can. Long time readers of my blog know that about me. So its a lot of the things that I had come to know from my own experience. But it does sound better when it comes from a fancy doctor type! However, he sounds like such a douche!

 I understand the severity of the obesity epidemic in this country. More so than a lot of people. I AM the obesity epidemic. I have worked very diligently towards a better life for myself. We need a wake up call. The fact that Michelle Obama is demonized for trying to get our kids to have proper food served to them is so gross. The urgency is not lost on me.

But you can't get people on your side if you resort to shock and awe bombastery. I feel like the entire introduction sounds like Fox News doom coverage. If I were to paraphrase what he is saying versus how it feels it would go a little something like this, HIT IT:

Hey fatty fat fat. Im Skinny McSmarterthanyou. I hope you enjoy your fatty foods and fat drinks because you are on a super wide fat train to Deathtown. Poulation: everyone. You are all fatties and and should be ashamed of your fat faces. You are all dumb fat puppets on the fat teet of Big Fat and your eyes are to swollen with fat to see it. You are dying from fatness, Fat Man, and you should keep reading this book to be awesome like me. If you can even get your fat sausage fingers to turn my slim, amazing, omniscient pages. fat.

You get the drift. Hopefully this book will get more into the info and less on the fat shaming. We shall see.

Sniff...Sniff... Cough... EAT!

So I had the pleasure of judging a marching band show this weekend. Those that know me personally are fully aware that this is a dream gig for me. The fact that I get paid to do something that I would pay to do is simply amazing. It is awesome to give back to an activity that has given my so much in my life. That being said, it did give me something else this weekend. THE DREADED COLD!

The worst thing about a cold isn't the sniffles. The head congestion I can deal with. The cold sweats are tolerable being that I sweat all the time anyways. For me, the absolute worst part is the inevitable chest cold. I am asthmatic. This is something that I usually can handle through inhalers. However, when I get sick, my lungs seize up like a southern white lady around black people. Clutching their purse tight and panicking silently. Well, not so silently. I sound like that weird dog villain from the Laff-a-lympics.



Clearly, this has put a dent in my cardio routine. Its frustrating because I had already been slacking off before this. Now I feel like I am really doing myself a disservice and taking multiple steps backwards. It is wise in times like this that you have to remember that weight loss is mostly about diet. Some experts say that it is as much as 80% diet. So all you have to do is keep eating well. Problem solved!

Hardly.

As a normal human, when I am sick, I want to feel better. So I want comfort food. I want chicken soup for my fat ass soul. I want peanut butter and jelly. I want creamy chowder. Ice cream! I want anything that might make me want to enjoy life again. And I want all of it. Like now! I am in full blown Veruca Salt golden geese realness def con 5.

And to exacerbate the problem, I am laying in bed all day. Not an ounce of exercise. Well, aside from the ab isolation from coughing all day. The only time I get up is to stuff my face. So gross. And I rationalize all of this because I am sick. Starve a fever, feed a cold. Right? Thats what my grandmother always said. (Of course, she cooks everything in crisco and thinks Obama is a secret muslim. ) My prescription says I have to take my meds with food. Doctors orders, bitch. Now give me my bag of tostitos and pint of ice cream and ...

I trust that you will find yourself in this situation at some point. Just try to be more self aware than I was yesterday. It was a misstep to say the least. But I am back on track today and I am hoping to be back in the gym tomorrow. Or at least by friday. Please by friday, I'm so bored!

the tank is empty...

Today is one of those days where you want to do yourself a favor. I know that I need to go to the gym. I have not gone since friday. Thats four days off. I know I will feel better about myself after I go. I know that I need to go. I also know there is a Top Chef All Stars marathon on. I am also aware that my bed is comfortable. And I also know that I am better than all of these excuses. The bottom line is, I didnt lose 200+ pounds by listening to these excuses.

I guess the point is, the journey I am on is a constant battle. The battle isnt in the gym. Once you are there, the process takes over. The battle is making the time. The time is there. It is always available. It is tough to let yourself detach from the grid for an hour and wash away the media saturation that we are always consumed in. Perhaps it would be wise to just go to the fucking gym and stop blogging about it. And, don't you worry one second my fat loss voyeurs. I am going to the gym. I think it is important to show that the lack of motivation lives in everyone.

But you cannot let yourself give in. Giving in is what caused me to balloon up to an estimated 500 pounds. Giving in is what lead me to a life of what if's and Should haves. I have to turn my will-do's into have-done's. I heard a great quote on a podcast that I love called Cut The Fat. Download it immediately if you are looking for information on weight loss and healthy living. The quote is so simple and so true:

WTHOUT SELF-AWARENESS, ALL DIETS WILL FAIL!

Read that again. Do it.


You have to have the ability to constantly and consistently be honest with yourself and what you are doing. . You must always be honest with yourself and not cheat your way into failure.. I am better than that. and so are you.

I guess I should show an update.

I have been reluctant to put up a recent photo because I wanted to wait till I hit my goal weight. Not that its some amazing svelte weight, its still a beefy 225lbs. and still over 60 pounds away. But being that I have lost over 200 at this point, I guess I should post one so you don't  think I am not a genuine fatty on the life journey to a healthy lifestyle. There are a lot of men posing as Syrian Lesbians and what not and would hate to see my blog be lumped in with the fraudulent. So here it is. Though if you know me in real life, this wont be nearly as revelatory.

I still have a ways to go but I thought I would at least give a new face to my blog. I have a lot of followers who are not facebook friends who are looking to kill time at work. They are people like me who are on the same journey and are looking to kill time at work.

Glad I could help!

So to all the new people, welcome! And to the old people, love you so much and thank you for making this journey easier.

well how about that.

So I recently just celebrated my 23rd birthday ( just let me ) and I took over a week off from working out.Because it was my birthday and that's how I wanted to celebrate. I also drank a lot of alcohol a couple of nights. Because I love to get drunk. So I begrudgingly dragged my lonesome self back to the gym for penance. It was time to face the music. Which, judging from my choices that week, was either late Elvis or early Adele. I knew that this was going to be an interesting weigh in.

So, I white knuckled it, saddled up to the scale and braced for the damage. I wasn't going to freak out or anything. I had made my choice and I was ok with it. You cant spend your whole life fighting a constant battle. Sometimes you just need a respite, if only to suit up for the next battle.

I step on to the scale. The soulless digital screen flashing in a serious of dashes and numbers. Quickly flickering through, like a slot machine where there is no jackpot. Only shame. In the brief time it takes for the number to send down its judgement, I have conversations with myself.

"Well, either way, you are at the gym doing the right thing."

"You seriously have no self-control."

"But, you have done so well so far."

"You would be further along if you never fell off the wagon in the first place."

My mind races like a cocaine driven Gollum from Lord of the Rings. A fat guy debate... on fast forward... with no moderator.

But, to my surprise, I had lost three pounds.

HOT DAMN!

This is why I lose weight the weight slowly. I dont do crossfit, or insanity, or blah blah. I am doing this slowly  so my body is doing everything right. I monitor my calories on My Fitness Pal. I excersise. I never go hungry.   I just do it slowly so it is sustainable. And I dont beat myself up about enjoying a week. The world will beat you up plenty, dont help it out. Stay happy, stay smart, stay fit.

BRRAAAAIINNNSSSS!

So I have been on a netflix tear as of late. Late summer shows only cover a couple of nights for me. To fill my time of required television viewing, I have been watching zombie movies. What can I say, I love me some zombies. Always have. Then it hit me. I am a zombie!

Well, sometimes...

When you get into a rut in your fitness and nutrition routine, it can make you feel like a slow moving, constantly hungry, mindless beast. Just a shell of your former self, shuffling through life looking for sustenance.

Today was one of those days. I went for my morning run. Had two wholly unsatisfying meals. As a rummage through the doomed town that is my cupboard, I am a soulless ghoul. Lethargically pushing around cans of food looking for the sweet, sweet marrow of salty sweet goodness. All the apples in the world are not going to curb my post-apocalyptic craving. Must have bbrrrrrreeeeaaadddd!

Luckily I am not a zombie. I am a grown ass man who can make decisions that are appropriate. I will rise from the dead to fight another day. This day was just particularly hard.

C25k all day.

So, I have finished my month long bulking phase. I needed a break from all the cardio. So I concentrated on putting on muscle. I might have worked. I cant really tell because I am fat. So I am just assuming that there is a cast member from 300 trapped under my fat. Just go with it.

But now I am starting my next cardio phase. It is a program called C25k. From the couch to a 5k run in 9 weeks. I have always hated running, and if today is any indication, I will continue to hate it. But its only 2 months and I have spent a lot more than that doing terrible things to my body. So I figure it is only fair.

So, I did a shit ton of research to find out if this is something I can do. In my search I found a lot of testimonials. Those things make me want to vomit. All of them are people who were already athletes in high school or college. Then they put on 40 pounds and just couldnt live with themselves any longer. Fuck you. My fucking goal weight is 40 pounds overweight. The only thing more irritating than those testimonials are the Insanity Workout before and after pictures. Are you fucking kidding me with this? It shows people who have abs in the before picture. I cant think of anything more ridiculous. Dont believe me?









Your life must have been such a struggle before fatty. Gross.



So needless to say, my venture is going to be a lot tougher than the wonder stories of ex-track stars who put on some marriage carriage. I guess this whole program is a bit out of my reach but I am going to stick with it anyways. If anything, it will make for good blogging fodder.