Im back bitches!

So, it has been well over a year since my last post. I feel like I should explain this. However, you are not going to like the explanation. I stopped doing the blog because I thought it would be a turn off to potential suitors to read about my weight loss exploits. It is hard to put yourself out there to be judged whether it is good or bad. It can be quite embarrassing. I have come to realize, that is fucking stupid. It is stupid for two reasons: A.) I don't have anyone courting me. II.)This struggle is very much a part of me. The success I have had so far could be helping people to reach their own goals. It is selfish for me to keep this journey to myself so I can seem more attractive to other people. So dumb. (editor's note: this is not to be read as a cry for shouts of how beautiful I am. Unless you want to makeout, you are just saying that you think I'm beautiful, but not hot enough to hook up with. I know I am a beautiful person.) On that note, I am nearing my 200 pound weight loss. I might have reached it but I am not weighing myself for four more days. We will get to that in a second. So people want to know what my secrets are. I have decided to share them with you. These weight loss secrets will blow your mind. It is so simple to lose weight. Are you ready? Here we go!

 1. People are dicks. You would think that you would get constant encouragement from your friends and family. When you see a friend and you have lost 5 pounds since seeing them, you expect a congratulatory hug. This is a false belief 90% of the time. Most people are afraid of saying something about it. Weight is a touchy subject for everyone. They take the risk of seeming like they are noticing something that didn't happen. For example, if you haven't lost any pounds(or even gained some), the compliment can seem fake. We have been marginalized for our weight for so long we tend to shun compliments. We find any excuse to not believe them. So, don't worry about what the scale says and just except the fucking compliment already!

2. Scales are the fucking devil. Just stop it already. You know it is going to piss you off. Why put yourself through it. Weigh yourself once a month. Twice a month tops. The last thing you need to see after four days of cardio is that you have gained a pound. It is soul crushing. The scale can wreck your motivation in 4 seconds flat. It is unreal. You need to start thinking of your weight loss as a byproduct of your healthier lifestyle. Your goal should be to live better. Eat better. Exercise more. The weight will come off eventually. It is going to be slow. Way slower than the bitches on The Biggest Loser. 

3. The Biggest Loser is horseshit. This show has done nothing but propagate crash dieting and diet pills. These people have a personal training STAFF, a chef, everything is monitored. It is in no way shape or from a weight loss regimen. They lose ten pounds a week. This will not happen to you. And it shouldn't. Because it is a horrible way to lose weight. It took you years to but on this weight and it will take you years to take it off. They are not role models for you. The weight will not stay off. And their "experts" are just there to market their herbal speed pills that give you "so much energy". Yeah honey, its fucking speed. Chinese Herbal Speed, but speed none the less.

4. Everyone is a fucking expert. Don't listen to people. They are stupid. Don't watch youtube. Don't read this blog. Even trainers. Fact: Your personal trainer has never had to deal with your struggle. They were athletes in high school. They became a trainer so they could live in the gym. Their transformation was getting cut. Not dropping 60 pounds. Unless you are at your goal weight, they are useless. Go to a nutritionist, read about processed foods. Read about whole foods. And then eat them. A lot of them. If you are hungry, eat. Eat well and eat often. If you are hungry you are doing it wrong.

5. My Fitness Pal is an expert. Download it. Use it. It will change they way you think about food. Point systems kind of work, but this shows you exactly what nutrients you have or are missing. Diet Cokes have zero points and about a million grams of sodium. You will soon discover that you start making wiser food choices to meet your nutrition goals. If you want to never be hungry 4 apples last a lot longer than a bag of pretzels.

6. The BIG WEIGHT LOSS SECRET. There is no secret. Eat good whole foods and exercise. Diet and exercise. That's it. It is going to take you forever. That's fine. Years and years. It is going to be ok. This isn't a diet. This is the way you eat for the rest of your life. It's called being healthy. Get into it. I am sorry if you feel let down. But, if you recall, I said that it would be simple, not fast and easy.