Give me an inch... and I will take a footlong meatball parm

The hardest part of any lifestyle change is  persistence. It is the single thing that you must have. If you don't do anything consistently you will not see long term results. That's the nature of the beast. That's the reason I avoid using the word "diet". Its connotation leans to a temporary state of living. A diet is whatever you eat. I could be all veggies or all pizza. But it is now synonymous with Lemon juice and cayenne pepper detox bullshit and Super Colon Mega Ass Blaster ridiculousness. As you fine readers know (all 16 of you), Right now I am reading Eat To Live. It is really simple, yet extremely difficult. I posted a while back about the withdrawals I had from not having the chemicals in my body that I was used to.  Headaches and irritability, which the latter is just a character flaw. This is a fact.

When I moved to my new place, I knew that it was going to be a struggle. Not because of the food we buy at the grocery store. I am fortunate to live with a bomb ass chick who not only reads this blog, but also eats really healthy shit. The struggle comes from money. I definitely have had to cut out all the workout supplements I was taking. That shit is expensive. It was 86'd with the quickness. $80 dollars for a workout enhancer? Ain't nobody got time for that! NO thank you.

I work for a little mom and pop operation. Its called Starbucks. I'm sure your not familiar. In any event, when the night is over, we have to through away food that has expired. We normally would donate it, but the charity we were giving it to turned out to not be a charity. Womp. So, we have to throw away the food. And by "throw", I mean shove it in a shopping bag, and  "away" is a euphemism for my mouth hole.  This whole rent and bills shit has seriously drained my non existent funds. So, when faced with an empty fridge, empty stomach, and empty bank account, I need that expired food for sustenance. It seriously kept me alive for a few days. However, blueberry scones and paninis are not on the good food list in Eat To Live. Its not calorie  dense or anything. But when you are using food for fuel, you need to get the most bang for your calorie buck. Bread is not good fuel. It is chock full of complex carbs and nutrient deficient. It is also delicious. Like super awesome yummy in my tummy I want it in my mouth always delicious.

So I ate some bread for a couple days. What's the big deal? The problem lies in the crack in my armor, that slip up that reminds my mind of how fucking delicious bread is. It craves it. Its like the addict who has that sip of booze and all hell breaks loose. They are staring at the bottom of a fifth of whiskey and shame.

When you allow yourself to eat the foods that make you crave them, you are just setting yourself up for a struggle.You have to retrain your brain and start the battle all over again. You are shooting yourself in the foot.

This is the problem with the word "diet". Eating to live needs to be an all the time thing. If I let myself have a treat, that opens the door for more treats. Treating yourself because you were great at work that day. Treating yourself because you were horrible at work that day. Treating yourself because it is a day that ends in day. The rationalization are minds are capable of concocting when we want stuff that makes us happy is quite remarkable. The key is to not open that door. No cracks in the armor. Stay strong. Set your self up for success, not failure. Healthy food is delicious, once you break your self the confines of your processed food prison. The freshness is so bright on your tongue. To allow that manufactured garbage to muddy that up is just retroactive. I need to be proactive. No cheat days. No excuses.

A new lease on life.

So this weekend was a big step for me. I finally worked my ass off to get to the place I need to be in order to move out. I was stuck at my parents house for 2 1/2 achingly long years. They were tremendous to me during this time of unemployment and fatness. They were so amazing in helping me along this journey. I truly am blessed to have such supportive family. I really am lucky.

As I enter into this new era of my new life, I am a bit weary of what this means for maintaining my exercise and eating regimen. My current eating method comes along with an extremely hefty bill. The cycle of bad choices and easy meals plagues our society. It is a very real thing that I have seen destroy peoples lives. The cost of produce is extremely high compared to the cookies and shit food that we eat everyday.

But I am a fighter. I have come too far to let this trip me up. If this were an easy journey, this blog would be really boring. Well, it could be boring to you anyways but that is a matter of taste. If you dont like it, you have none.

In any event, I have to sign my lease and whatnot, go to the gym, go to the grocery store and figure out where to put the 13 almost empty jars of hair junk that I couldnt throw away because I am apparently a hoarder. So this is a short blog post. Sue me. Well, dont sue me. I have to buy my weight in kale. I need that money.

The vote rocked!

This is not a political post. So you can calm down. This blog doesn't deal in such heavy shit. Well, besides my heavy ass. This is about my voting experience at the polls on Tuesday.

I walked into my old elementary school to vote. This is the first time I have been inside it since I was in middle school. So about ten years have passed. (just let me) I always think it is so weird to go back to a childhood place only to see how much smaller it is. Your perception is all out of wack. You feel like Gulliver surrounded by the town of Liliput. In my minds eye, the tiles on the wall were supposed to be at my nose, not my waist. I got me thinking about how I view myself during this weight loss process.

I have touched on this before on my blog. I dont see myself any differently then I did 200 pounds ago. Well 216, but who is counting? Oh thats right, ME! I am still the pear shaped  unloveable behemoth that was so fat he couldnt fly on an airplane. Sitting in a theater seat was a battle of my love for theater versus my tolerance for pain as the arm bars dug into my hips. I would have bruises on my legs for days. I dont talk about that often because the bruising on my ego is still there. Clearly. The shame you feel when you bump a table when you are trying to squeeze through to your seat, when they have to move the table so you can sit at a booth. The glances of disappointment when you request a table with chairs because everyone else wants a booth. It still freaks me out when I go to a diner. I assume I cant fit. This all stays with me. It haunts me.

This is why I encourage everyone to be honest and tell people if they look like they have lost weight. We see ourselves everyday and the loss is lost on our eyes. So... what does this have to do with voting? I walked up to the sweet old ladies at the polling station. I had forgotten my voter registration card. The lady asked to see my ID. I gave her my license. She asked me my address. Standard fair. But then she kept looking at me and then down at the license. She didn't believe I was me! I told her that I had lost quite a bit of weight and she said " You sure did!" She then proceeded to show my license to the other workers. They were all floored. It is moments like that which make it all worth it. The ghosts of my past are haunting me less and less. Eventually they will be gone.  I hope.

Holy Headache Batgurl!

So I have been trying to do my best to follow the eating method in Eat To Live. I say eating method because diet implies being hungry. I am not going hungry at anytime. I eat whenever I am hungry. However, I have a crazy headache. It feels like a caffeine headache. This clearly is not the case because I work in a coffee shop. I am guessing that is a side effect of giving up processed foods. I am sticking with it though. I have to push passed this uncomfortable period. If this is the way my body feels when I give something up I dont want to put that shit back in. The book is still snarky as hell and I feel he could say things in a more compassionate way, but his message is a powerful one. I have lost 2 pounds in a week. I am comfortable with that!