Give me an inch... and I will take a footlong meatball parm

The hardest part of any lifestyle change is  persistence. It is the single thing that you must have. If you don't do anything consistently you will not see long term results. That's the nature of the beast. That's the reason I avoid using the word "diet". Its connotation leans to a temporary state of living. A diet is whatever you eat. I could be all veggies or all pizza. But it is now synonymous with Lemon juice and cayenne pepper detox bullshit and Super Colon Mega Ass Blaster ridiculousness. As you fine readers know (all 16 of you), Right now I am reading Eat To Live. It is really simple, yet extremely difficult. I posted a while back about the withdrawals I had from not having the chemicals in my body that I was used to.  Headaches and irritability, which the latter is just a character flaw. This is a fact.

When I moved to my new place, I knew that it was going to be a struggle. Not because of the food we buy at the grocery store. I am fortunate to live with a bomb ass chick who not only reads this blog, but also eats really healthy shit. The struggle comes from money. I definitely have had to cut out all the workout supplements I was taking. That shit is expensive. It was 86'd with the quickness. $80 dollars for a workout enhancer? Ain't nobody got time for that! NO thank you.

I work for a little mom and pop operation. Its called Starbucks. I'm sure your not familiar. In any event, when the night is over, we have to through away food that has expired. We normally would donate it, but the charity we were giving it to turned out to not be a charity. Womp. So, we have to throw away the food. And by "throw", I mean shove it in a shopping bag, and  "away" is a euphemism for my mouth hole.  This whole rent and bills shit has seriously drained my non existent funds. So, when faced with an empty fridge, empty stomach, and empty bank account, I need that expired food for sustenance. It seriously kept me alive for a few days. However, blueberry scones and paninis are not on the good food list in Eat To Live. Its not calorie  dense or anything. But when you are using food for fuel, you need to get the most bang for your calorie buck. Bread is not good fuel. It is chock full of complex carbs and nutrient deficient. It is also delicious. Like super awesome yummy in my tummy I want it in my mouth always delicious.

So I ate some bread for a couple days. What's the big deal? The problem lies in the crack in my armor, that slip up that reminds my mind of how fucking delicious bread is. It craves it. Its like the addict who has that sip of booze and all hell breaks loose. They are staring at the bottom of a fifth of whiskey and shame.

When you allow yourself to eat the foods that make you crave them, you are just setting yourself up for a struggle.You have to retrain your brain and start the battle all over again. You are shooting yourself in the foot.

This is the problem with the word "diet". Eating to live needs to be an all the time thing. If I let myself have a treat, that opens the door for more treats. Treating yourself because you were great at work that day. Treating yourself because you were horrible at work that day. Treating yourself because it is a day that ends in day. The rationalization are minds are capable of concocting when we want stuff that makes us happy is quite remarkable. The key is to not open that door. No cracks in the armor. Stay strong. Set your self up for success, not failure. Healthy food is delicious, once you break your self the confines of your processed food prison. The freshness is so bright on your tongue. To allow that manufactured garbage to muddy that up is just retroactive. I need to be proactive. No cheat days. No excuses.

Big day!

Today is the weigh in. Stay tuned....

A new lease on life.

So this weekend was a big step for me. I finally worked my ass off to get to the place I need to be in order to move out. I was stuck at my parents house for 2 1/2 achingly long years. They were tremendous to me during this time of unemployment and fatness. They were so amazing in helping me along this journey. I truly am blessed to have such supportive family. I really am lucky.

As I enter into this new era of my new life, I am a bit weary of what this means for maintaining my exercise and eating regimen. My current eating method comes along with an extremely hefty bill. The cycle of bad choices and easy meals plagues our society. It is a very real thing that I have seen destroy peoples lives. The cost of produce is extremely high compared to the cookies and shit food that we eat everyday.

But I am a fighter. I have come too far to let this trip me up. If this were an easy journey, this blog would be really boring. Well, it could be boring to you anyways but that is a matter of taste. If you dont like it, you have none.

In any event, I have to sign my lease and whatnot, go to the gym, go to the grocery store and figure out where to put the 13 almost empty jars of hair junk that I couldnt throw away because I am apparently a hoarder. So this is a short blog post. Sue me. Well, dont sue me. I have to buy my weight in kale. I need that money.

This makes me feel better.

The battle for getting control over my health and nutrition is a long fought and emotional battle. Every day you are surrounded by people who are eating whatever they want. They can stop at a fast food joint, pay 5 dollars for a whole meal, and they will not be judged for it whatsoever. Conversely, fat people are judged as unhealthy no matter what they are eating. Pity is felt for the fatty who is eating the right thing, but it is their own fault for letting it get that bad. Right? I mean, it is nobody elses. No one made them eat all that food.

The fact that a single cucumber costs one dollar and that same dollar can get you a mcdouble. The convenience that thinner people enjoy is a thing of the past. I have had to come to terms with the fact that I cannot eat out with friends. I have to plan out what I am going to eat. It is a lot of repetitive foods but it is the only way for me to stay consistent. It is really a struggle to constantly say no to others and also to myself. At a local restaraunt, their salad is 1200 calories. Are you fricking kidding me? Thats over half of my calories for the day. FOR A SALAD!

Add to that the headaches that are plaguing me since starting this eating method. It is unreal how hard it can be to do this consistently. How do I find the motivation to keep doing what I am doing?

I have lost 8 pounds in 2 weeks.

period.

You have to trust yourself and trust the method. You have to put faith in the fact that you are doing the right thing. You can't live other people's lives. You can only live yours. My brain has been rewired to crave things it doesn't need. I have to keep fighting to change it back to its natural wants and needs. It is very challenging.

But doing it 8 pounds lighter helps.